"It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. It took the poor guy all day. Eat up! Did it work? Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. 1. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. 27. Read more. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Baltimore, said Dad. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Thanks. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. This happened several times times throughout the flight. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Officer: Soldier. Caller: Is Sgt. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. How tough? What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. 9. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. 1. Louis, I grumbled. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. What happened Sergeant? Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . (pointing at the sky). Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Me: Still the wrong number. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? What did you do? On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. March forth! The c.i.a. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. The Marine said Are you crazy? Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Thanks.. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! St. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Later, I spoke with Mom. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? 10. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. There are many branches of the military. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Its a NO FLY zone! A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Looking for military boot camp jokes? You had tents?" When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. 28. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. We have one or two in here! The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. 4. DeFrigNo! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Stay out of clouds. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. 1. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? What would As A.J. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". 5. USN: Helos They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. 9. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. A LOOtenant! My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. OHH OHOH! The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. How old are you? a tenant asked. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Flight Announcements 4. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Gary Toohard. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. A PETTY officer! After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. 4. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Caller: Is Sgt. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. What do hungry Marines eat? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Caller: OK. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Killed bin Laden. Pilots 5. Heres what they came up with: Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Did it work? My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. A friend paid my mother a visit. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Then one day I couldnt find it. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? 46. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. . Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. with someone braver than you.'. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". But something struck me as odd. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. 64. I'm impressed! A military captain saying I was just thinking However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. 39. The Lasting Supper After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Whats an LMD? I asked. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. 33. Only one. How tough? He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Read more. When Is Military Appreciation Month? He had the same plane as yours. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Takeoffs are optional. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Theyre U.S. AF! Did you hear about the big accident on base? Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Reply: No, I say again. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. 65. 6. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. 13:30 comes and goes. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. 44. But I had the last laugh. They want their patients to see 20:20! Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. But yours is.. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Semper Pie 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: 7. 2. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox.