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You look drunk. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. Explore the latest videos from . Control Freak. The bear shrugged. Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. If only theyd come around andtake him off my hands. What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. A golfer goes. Find out here! if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Her face was flush with love. Its the people I tell them to who cant. Hot, because you can catch cold. Wait, don't actually look if you want functioning eyes. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 22. Hold onto your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. How did the pig get to the hogspital? Dude, your dicks hanging out. Her navel. While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if its one of the, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), why did the chicken cross the road? jokes, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. A lip reader. Theyre used to eating nuts. Officials have announced that these frequently used products could result in infection. The extra E in three and the missing R in error. The third error? Whats the difference between your dick and a bonus check? What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost? Oh, I didnt tell you? What do you call a bear without any teeth? Explanation: A hyperbole is an exaggerated claimkinda like this joke. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . What did one Christmas tree say to another? Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. Because you should never drink and derive. 80+ Best Dad Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Rude People. A four-chin teller. 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. You planet. "Between you and me, something smells.". No, the punchline comes before the setup when time travel is involved. What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball? 50 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids and Adults - Parade The other says, "I'm a big metal fan.". What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? They have many fans. Just-in. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. If you're here, who's running hell? We have picked some adult jokes for you to use. The man. Knock Knock. Which will often come across very rudely. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? We all wish that at the moment you could have some great response. Whenever someone has a health problem or feels like" Even young children enjoy the structure of joke-telling; the setup, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud together! Someone complimented my parking today! No? The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . How do you embarrass an archaeologist? just ask them why they are so insecure about things. If you find yourself on the receiving end of a "your mom" joke, one option is to laugh it off. Whats the difference between anal and oral sex? Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. 2022 Galvanized Media. What do you call balls on your chin? We have some cool puns to add to your collection: Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. Right where you left it. A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. Explanation: The worlds population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for. His wife asked me if I could say a quick word. Otherwise, close the page now. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. If at first you dont succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling. 38. Pathetic, unoriginal kid just wanting attention. That's it for now! This one is funny because it can be used to make the question asker seem like they are crazy or have a bad memory and already has forgotten that they did in fact ask you. I went out dressed like a chicken last night and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. Do you love hearing jokes? They've kept in touch after all these years. Because they taste funny. Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. 5. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! Hes been going through some shit. Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards. Following that logic, this rhetorical joke doesnt have an answer either. The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. "You're looking sharp. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? "Close the door, I'm dressing!". Thanks a lot Sergios Rotar (hope i didn't make any typos. Id be fine if there werent so much blood in my alcohol system. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? By Sergios Rotar What do you call a fake noodle? 21 Funny Comebacks to Use When Asked Awkward Personal Questions This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. Once you open it, you realize its half-empty. 4. This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. 4. Sucka. He forgot to wrap his Whopper. When they get to the ski lodge there arent enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. 10. The sooner I shoot you, the sooner Ill get out of jail for it. Explanation: The first two errors? This response works because it makes it seem like you dont really care what the question asker wanted. He wanted his quarter back. "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. Dont assume thats not a major incentive. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on, the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! So youre the only one? Spit, swallow, gargle. Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? 2. A nervous wreck. Knock knock. But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn't smile at corny jokes? I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Because theyre really good at it. Country Living editors select each product featured. Because the queen reigned there for decades. If you need so much space, theres always NASA. What did the card say when he didn't end up getting through the job interview? Explanation: Once he hits zero in the countdown, its all negative numbers from there. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? 31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They're Actually Funny - FunnyWorm said the man in the orthopedic shoes. Why do cows have bells? An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. Fssh. This worked so well! Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. How To Break Up With Someone Toxic/Narcissistic Safely And Never Look Back, The Best Outfits From Daisy Jones And The Six That Make Me Wish It Was 1975, Signs You Lack Self-Love (And How To Develop It), 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists, How To Channel Main Character Energy Like Daisy Jones & The Six. Have fun with some of these. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. They did unspeakable things to me. A gummy bear. Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards. The infantry. well, almost never! I'll meet you at the corner. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. Always remember: Youre just as unique as everybody else. In fact, it could make things worse by escalating the situation and giving the troll more attention. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! 30. I know because they told me. Masturbation is like procrastinationits all good fun until you realize youre just fucking yourself. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. A Maybe. When you have an app or website open in Chrome, ask Google Assistant to help you complete tasks, like finding a video to watch or searching for a message. What do you call a fake noodle? It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. All while making the question asker look dumb. Watch me pretend to care. 13. As you can see, there are plenty of comebacks for who asked, nobody cares, etc. Become the master of pun by memorizing some of these why jokes. What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. History is usually no laughing matter, but sometimes we can't help but LOL at modern interpretations of the past. It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? No, but I could tell you needed my help. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. Alright, are you ready? There's a new alarming warning about this popular dog food brand. By the bark. Why was the nurse asking for a red pen? "I'm a. 4. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? 86 Funny Why Did The Jokes for Kids 2022 | Beano.com 1.) What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? 154 Funny And Best Dad Jokes You've Never Heard 2023 - Ponly That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. It needed help figuring out its problems. It is a pretty rude thing to say. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . The bartender says, "Why the long face?". Get ready to laugh with this Valentine's-themed joke: How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? Why don't chickens play baseball? Bernadette. Once a girl looked at me and shouted loudly, I don't want to sit next to her! Whats the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? But, first, what do people mean by did I ask you?. . They are similar to the phrase "shut up"and may be considered rude to use. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. On June 15th, 2011, Neogaf [5] user Dizzy-4U used the line as a humorous response in a thread. When did I ask jokes : r/Comebacks - reddit.com What did 345. He's all right now. For more information, please see our Whats the best part about gardening? Explanation: This works on a couple of levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and as scientific fact (genes can determine body shape). Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: The speed limit of sex is 68, because at 69 you have to turn around. 126 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb They're Actually Funny - BuzzFeed Whats warm, wet, and pink? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? How is sex like a game of bridge? If a woman sleeps with 10 men shes a slut, but if a man does it Hes gay, definitely gay. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. Because he felt burned out. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); You know there's no official training for trash collectors? This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. He only comes once a year. Because 7-8-9. What do boobs and toys have in common? Here are some witty comebacks to Did I ask?: The best response to did I ask is to remain calm and try not to overreact. By the taste. 39. Between you and me, something smells. 14. With a little creativity and quick thinking, you can defuse the who asked bomb and keep the conversation going. Why did the cow jump over the moon? Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally. .css-g0owdm{display:block;font-family:Memphis,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.625rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-g0owdm:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 61.25rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}Tom Selleck Reunites with Former Co-Star, 21 Shows to Watch If You Like Yellowstone, 'WoF' Fans Say This Is the Biggest Choke on Show, St. Patricks Day Trivia Questions and Answers, Adam Sandler's Wife Jackie Shuts Down Red Carpet, The Reason Hoda Kotb Hasnt Been on the Today Show, Kelsea Ballerini Fans Lose It Amid Career News, The True History Behind St. Patrick's Day, St. Patrick's Day Movies to Feel Extra Lucky. Want more laughs? Why didn't the melons get married? There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? I used to hate facial hairbut then it grew on me. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. How do you make a tissue dance? A submarine. A penguin in the washing machine. How do you eat a squirrel? What did the mother rope say to her child? 3. What's E.T. Dont make me come in there! 29. short for? If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . The funny responses are more for getting a good laugh out of the group around you than trying to come out on top and seeming smart. * You didn't ask me? Your responsibility is to assess the situation and determine the best course of action. What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt? Explanation: Say it to the opening of Beethovens Fifth Symphony, and youll get the joke. 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You're Feeling Snarky By Mlanie Berliet Updated February 10, 2022 1. Condoms have evolved: theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. Robin who? Not all men are annoying. Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? "Dill me in!". Your opinion is very important to me. 33. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. Whether you want to receive further information on something or want to ask a question or maybe have a suggestion for us to improve content on this website, or probably you wish to report a . What did one hat say to the other? Ivana fuck your brains out. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Jokes for Kids: 130+ of the Best Kid Jokes on the Web - EverythingMom Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use: "You've got very short hair, are you a lesbian?". He told me to stop going to those places. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. This response is clever because it takes the same disrespectful energy that comes with did I ask you and hurls it back at the question asker. 46. Carol Yepes/ Getty Images. Copy it to easily share with friends. Two guys walk into a bar. If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Cereal. Beef strokin off. What's black and white and goes round and round? How do you open a banana? 12 / 102. What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? He was deadlifting. I Never Asked for This | Know Your Meme To. 27 Best Replies To "Did I Ask You?" (Funny & Clever) What does a pig put on dry skin? He just can't part with it. I used to be addicted to soap. 40. Funny Riddles, Short Jokes, Trick questions - Greeting Card Poet Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? Criminally Funny Lawyer Jokes. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. There just arent as many people who believe it. Christian Bale. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Between you and me, something smells. dang i didnt know that ur so dumb u dont know the difference between answering and telling. Knock Knock Whos there? The farmer had cold hands. Are you an adult? In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. 9. ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. 3. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Explanation: Photons are particles representing an amount of light. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. You cared enough to dismiss it; that counts. Last Updated: June 16th 2022. ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? I was at the funeral of a friend of mine. Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. But John came fifth and won a toaster. A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". After all, its tempting to put people in their place when theyre being needlessly rude, especially if you think theyre wrong. "Make me one with everything." 2. I dont think so. This obviously isnt working out. Tap To Copy. Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. 18. Dont forget to browse these biology jokes that really cell themselves. Why did the candle quit his job? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. 4. Just stare blankly at the person who asked you that and say nothing. Your girlfriend makes it hard. What's the best-smelling insect? A cheese factory exploded in France. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Question: What is another name for female Viagra? Making it very clear that the question asker was being rude. Why are YOU shaking? Because they cantaloupe. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Whether youre looking to shut down someone in an argument or want some witty responses up your sleeve, these comebacks will do the trick. When you die, what part of the body dies last? []BMany people think of bully () as one child pushing or hitting Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. For more information, please see our Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { They dont actually want to know if they asked you. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. But if you're a math teacher or a parent trying to help your kids (keyword: trying) with their math homework, you know a good laugh is exactly what the doctor ordered. Next time someone asks you, "who asked," or "did I ask" use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. However, if you are sure about yourself and her reaction, try one of these: There are a lot of stupid jokes among good ones. "Go to [site name]" "Open [site name]" Search in your apps or websites. Since 2017, over 500 new Campers have joined us across our three groups - Customer, Org, and Product - and we thought we'd share the laughter with you. How do you organize a space party? The third guy ducks. 86 Funny Why Did The. Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. A Mississippi. A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. Where you put the cucumber. I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep thats got to be the ultimate rejection. A cherry float. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. the bear replies. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." No, but I wanted to save you the trouble of thinking for yourself. If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love?